So, this does not seem suspicious at all. Just one day after a very believable tabloid story came out that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have kinky, heterosexual sex not one, not three, but up to seven totally awesome times a day, a deleted ”sex scene” from Twilight has been released to the general public. How serendipitous!
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Just a few of my favorite Twilight jokes from the Internet
Anyway, as you probably read today People magazine confirms that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are in the romantic process of reconciliation as we speak. Despite the fact that The Sun reported this over the weekend, no one really believed them. But now that People‘s all over it, everyone’s like “ZOMG, true love exists!” So now I’m all like, I suppose I should write about this even though we already covered it.
And then I’m like why write about this rehashed rumor when we can make up even MORE rumors! So here goes my brain on crack, or as the kids are saying these days, here comes the boom.
Yesterday, Kristen Stewart left her lair of infidelity and lies to grace us with her presence. While many Robsten fans assumed she’d run off with Rob to Mexico to get married and many Libsten (Liberty Ross/Kristen) fans thought they’d retreated to a lesbian love den in Canada, she evidently spent her entire media hibernation hiding in Rob’s closet.
His literal closet.
Think of Cosmopolis as a test run for Breaking Dawn: Part Two — of all the possibilites that can happen when you manipulate fans into believing that their favorite star-crossed lovers are drunk-dialing themselves into despair.
For everyone out there who thinks I’m reading too much into everything, read how well it did in the box office this weekend compared to better reviewed movies.
After all Rob, did finish his interview, his FIRST interview post-crisis, by asking Twilight fans to go see his movie Cosmopolis. Seriously, when asked if he’d like to give a message to all his loyal Twilight fans who stayed up past their bedtime to watch a political show, he said ‘If any Twilight fans are tuning in, I genuinely want to make Cosmopolis have a higher opening weekend than The Dark Knight.”
While that quote may come across as tacky to the average viewer, or even funny to a hardcore R.Patz fan, I just thought it screamed PUBLICITY STUNT. Especially since I’ve hypothesized before (on this very site) that this whole scandal went down as a way to get people to go see Cosmopolis, On the Road and obviously Breaking Dawn: Part 2.
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