Here’s How The Inevitable Lance Armstrong Lifetime Movie Will Go

You see, Lance Armstrong’s dope dealer Sasha Lace (played by clips of Lindsay Lohan in Liz & Dick) is hiding out at Lance Armstrong’s house. Why ? It’s never quite clear. All we know is that she’ll murder whoever she has to murder to avoid being prosecuted by I.D.O.P.E, the International Department of Pee Extraction. So she forces Lance Armstrong (played by Shia LeBeouf) to hide her until she figures out who she needs to kill next. At first Lance is like “you can’t sit with us!” because he’s very anti-murder. But then he realizes that if Sasha Lace isn’t with him, she’s on the run. And if she’s on the run, he’s not getting his weekly dope fix. There’s no way he’ll win next week’s race without his dope.

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